The new Roman Empire: Rise of the Pope.

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The new Roman Empire: Rise of the Pope.

#1 Post by tkobo » Sep 04 2007


(single player, veryhard, italy,ww3,unpredictable -not sure thats the right word,note to self- double check when home from shop)

Okay, my normal disclaimer is in effect here:
This will NOT be spelling, grammar or typo checked, so relax about anything of that manner before proceeding.

In addition ill add two more disclaimers :
This is a very long story, but im hoping a very short AAR.

This AAR pokes fun at almost everyone,so dont take any "slight" of any person,nation, religion, creed, breed of dog,race of man,alien race,sports team, sport itself,type of soda, etc... to heart.
Its meant in good fun in an attempt at humor.And the button below is also a joke, it simply doesnt do anything

Read all that ? Click on this button

(insert button graphic here)

If your having problems with this button, please go back and read the intro in full this time :P

On a side not, please dont hack this button :P ... _you_want/

Now on to the story:well what are ya waiting for ,go on to the next page silly.
Last edited by tkobo on Sep 04 2007, edited 4 times in total.
This post approved by Tkobo:Official Rabble Rouser of the United Yahoos
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#2 Post by tkobo » Sep 04 2007


Date today : April 1rst, 2090
Location: The vatican hill in Italy ouside of Rome and where the Popes Royal Vault was built.
Scene:A tall man dressed in the garb of a Catholic Cardinal is walking in the hills with a large group of small children,likely students,following him.He is speaking to them, his words something along the lines of this recreation below.
Welcome class.I know for many of you this is your first trip out of the vault city and into the world.As you can see the world is slowly but nicely recovering from the Great Calling bestowed upon the nations of man by the great Pope Pius XIII (Friedrich Schwendt II)

On this your first trip into the world, i feel this is the perfect time and setting to discuss the period of history leading up to and including the Great Calling.

We will start out with the world situation including info on various nations ,their conditions and events that lead to the Great Calling.

Date: March 15th,1998. Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Alois Ratzinger )dies of natural causes.But rumors abounded about his death being caused by nefarious means like poison, filled the nations of man anyway.

Date :April 1rst 1998. Roughly 17 days after the Popes death a conclave of the College of Cardinals met and started the process to choose the next pope.

Date: April 20th 1998.Nineteen days later white smoke issued from the chimney and the bells of Saint Peters Bascilica rang loudly.A new Pope had been selected.His chosen name was Pope Pius XIII

The new Pope was taken as quite a suprise by the world over as he hailed from a little known sect in the catholic church whos name loosely translated means " The Knights of the Spiders Web".

This new pope had been a cardinal of that order which was founded by germans fleeing germany after its fall at the end of ww2.The pope himself is said to be a descendant of one of those who fled from germany to italy with the Catholic Churchs assistance, a man named Friedrich Schwendt , his grandfather .

Date: August 28th, 2008.Senator Hillary Clinton is picked as the democratic presidential canidate, with Senator Barack Obama as her vice presidential running mate.

Date: November 4rth, 2008 .Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama win the election and are sworn in .

Date: November 28th 2008 .On this day during a summit between The United Kingdom and Spain,an unforunate open mic accident allowed the world to hear The Prime Minster of England ----the President of Spain ---- and certian members of the royal family of England making jokes about the Popes Hat.

Date:November 29th , 2008. Ex-president Bush calls the pope and is said to have commented " I like the hat alot .I have a version of it myself i wear at barbeques.
I bet my view of using missiles to remove certain people that upset you, doesnt look quite so wrong now eh ?
Care for some two for one coupons good at Halliburtons House of Used and Overstocked Missiles"

Date: December 24rth, 2008 . U.S. President Clinton and Vice President Obama took time out from their capaign to explain/deny (and excuse) the affair between Presidential First Husband William Clinton and the 16 yr old daughter of The President of Iran to call the Pope and voice their own support for his hat.

Date: December 26th,2008 The President of Iran took the chance during a meeting of the "Arab Unity Conference" to say, he too thinks the hat is silly.

On this date also, President of Venezuela ,Hugo Chavez who was also attending the above mentioned conference voiced his support for the Iranian Presidents stance on the hat.
Saying that if he was president for life of Italy, he would outlaw such silly hats as the poor simply cant afford them.
Hence, they were obviously part of the bourgeois capitalist conspiracy run by the capitalist devils against the poor.

Date: December 31rst ,2008. Un-beknown to the rest of the world Pope Pius XIII, ruler of Italy, retired to his private vault (also known as the Pope Cave) and put into action the world alterring plan known as " God Wrath"

Date: Jan 1rst 2009 .President Clinton and Vice President Obama make deals with Iran,Korea ,Syria, and The Dominican Republic to pay them large amounts of cash ,weapons, tech and energy in order for them to become "U.S. allies".

The Dominican Republic was included because Vice President Barack Obama got confused and scheduled a trip to and negotiations with The Dominican Republic thinking it was Cuba.This is also rumored to be why Cuba was not included in the deal.

On a side note, the Dominican Republic understood Vice President Obama had confused them with Cuba, but kept quiet because it had almost always wanted closer ties to America,including the period in 1870 when they attempted to have their country annexed to the U.S, but was blocked by the U.S. Senate.

So to them, this was a fortunate mistake that they should and would happily ignore as they signed the treaty.

In addition National Healthcare,increased taxes, The Free Lunch Nationwide Program,The Free Shoes for Women Program,The Presidential Visits to Girl Scout Camps Program(though mainly this program was carried out by the First Husband ),The Open Immigration Program (where border guards were replaced with travel agents and tour guides) and The Third Chance Program (this replaced the three strike program and gave all convicted felons who had 3 or more convictions parole in the hopes that such kindness would inspire them to go straight.The First Husbands brother was one of the first recipients of this new prison reform program)were also passed on or about this time in the U.S.

Date:January 2nd ,2009 Rumors start to circulate around the world of strange water based activity in the area just outside the Pope Cave.The Pope comments "No comment" on the rumors.

Date:January 3rd, 2009. The Prime Minister of U.K, the President off Spain ,the King and princes of England issued a formal apology to the pope over the "Hat Inccedent".

Date:January 4rth,2009. Prince Harry was photographed attending a "Colonial Party" dressed as the Pope with a Swastica armband .

Date:January 6th,2009 Under the burden ,arguments and ill feelings of the recent new Presidential Programs, the US shows its first substantial signs of floundering economically and signs of breaking politically.

Date: January 21,2009. The U.S in effect desolves , with many of its ties to the federal govenrment broken by many states.The Union seems to be, and in hindsight is breaking.

Date: January 25th,2009. Rumors abound of vast purchases of military goods and designs by Italy, which were directed by the Pope. Pope Pius XIII issued the comment "No comment" in relation to inquiries about these rumors.

Date: January 29th,2009. Once again rumors flood the world of vast dome structures being build all over italy.The pope issue a statement telling the world to remain clam, these buildings are nothing more than part of a large "Go Green" project in which Italy is exploring biodomes.

An artists rendering of the"biodomes" circulated world wide thru the press,caused doubts as to their stated purpose.

Date: March 15,2009. During this time period the U.S. states broke all ties with their federal government and the U.S. ceased to exist as a single nation.This as you might expect had an effect world wide as nations around the world also drifted closer to and in fact broke into seperate regions.
We do not have the time here to go into each and every nation, the how ,why and whens of their disolutions
We will however cover those we consider the larger and more important nations desolutions.
We will start with americas neighbor canada ,who was also a very stout ally.

During the time period we are now discussing Qeubec held another vote on its intent to break from canada and possibly become part of france.The final tally of this vote, was a resounding "yes" to seperation.

The Prime Minister of Canada , already dealing with huge issues caused by the nations loss of its closest ally,choose to let Quebec go without a fight as the easiest course to follow.Canada was now faced with the tremendous challange or funding, raisng, equiping and deploying its armed forces in strength enough to protect itself and its foreign interests.
Taxes which were already high, went thru the roof (as people used to say).

This of course was partly to blame for the nations breakup as individual regions decided they should not have to pay huge taxes to protect foreign interests that their individual regions did not directly gain from.

In addition the Green Party and the newly formed Vegan Health Party, raised enough support (consisting of an aliance of the Canadian Extreme Wrestling Party,The Marxist-Leninist Party,The Humanist Party , among many others) to outlaw Poutine,beer and bacon. This caused major outrage thruout canada.

People in canada declared "if any political party can gather enough support to pass such a stupid law, that deprives the canadian people of things they love so much, than the current polictal system must be done away with".
And not that much later, it was.

The provinces and territories of Canada also cut all ties with their Federal Government and disolved into seperate regions.
Thus fell the nation of canada.
There were of course other reasons for its fall, but again we are limited by the amount of time we can stay on the worlds surface before we must return to the vault city, and so we only point out the ones we feel had the most influence.
We now move onto The United Kingdom.
As we mentioned earlier there was the open mic incident invloving the popes hat.Soon after the parties involved had apologized to the pope, a bitter struggle broke out among them over who bore the majority of the blame,with each party pointing at the others.

In addition like Canada,The United Kingdom had lost its best ally and now had to count only on itself to protect their interests world wide.Which like in Canada lead in incredibly high taxes and prices.

Also a prime influence was that the Royal Family blamed the press in addition to the other parties, and sought to have new laws instituted that limited the access of the press to all govermental and royal functions.

The Prime ministers and the parts of the government that made up the Central Government of The United Kingdom (especailly the ministers) sided with the press,saying the monarchies request for such laws was draconian and against the nations very priciples.

This caused the Monarchy to remove itself from the government and try to regain its power of old.

With the departute of the monarchy from the government (especially the House of Lords) old national grievances came to surface with a vengeance.Soon Scotland, Wales,Northen Ireland and more, all followed suite and broke ties with the Central Government.And so The United Kingdom fell.
We will now cover France:
France also felt the impact of the removal of the U.S. from the world scene,but since relations between the two nations had never really managed to get reppaired, was less affected.They looked at it as a chance to regain the glory that was Frances history.And so they tried.

There was one problem with this line of thought, a large portion of France was no longer french and clung instead to the histories of the nations they had come from.To the large amount of these "minorities" the old glory days of france respresented colonization and rampant wars world wide.
This view point along with Frances need to grow and deploy its armed forces to more locations around the world created huge divisions between the people of france.The immagrants who felt marginalized and kept out of french society really didnt want to join the armed forces and be deployed around the world.

Riots like those of the Student Riots of 1968 and the Civil unrest riots of 2005 became common place.These new riots however were far more intense and of a more regular and lengthy occurance.

The national government of France fell into endless debate and sqaubling over what to do and who was to blame.

The Executive branch along with the Prime Minister felt a combined approach of breaking up the riots with force and holding out promises of reform and eqaulity was the way to solve the crisis.

The Legislative Branch felt new laws enacted and enforced that punished some of the rioters while it offered subsudies to those who were part of the societies that were rioting was the way to solve the crisis.

The Judiciary Branch felt that the laws already on the books being enforced to the utmost of thier limits was the way to solve the crisis.

No consensus was ever reached and each branch slowly aligned themselves with various french regions.A no confidence vote was held and the french government was disolved with the intent of forming a new one.No consensus was also ever reached on this, and the french national government simply faded away.

With no national structure, the french regions evolved backwards into the historical provinces and so the nation of France fell.

Now we will cover Russia:
Russia fell for reasons almost completely unrelated to anyone but itself.The Russian Government had recently switched back to a communist state from its brief forray as a democratic one.Deep devisions still remained and the Communist regime had nowhere near the total power it had held before the democratic period.

In addition a woman named Olag Drabek Smetisko who claimed to be a direct Romanov hier, a daughter of Anastasia herself she claimed .And at this time another such claimant surfaced who had recently "discovered his true history" as that of a Romanov Heir.This man (his name is curently lost to history) claimed to be a russian born illegitimate son of Georgy Romanov. In addition he had also been a democratically elected member of the democratic goverment of The Russian Federation.We believe a mayor,but history is shaky here.

He and the woman known as Olag Drabek Smetisko started a movement to establish a new Russian Government under a Constitutional Monarchy.They never had a chance.The Communist regime had them and their supporters hunted down and killed in very little time,BUT as previously stated the regime was not as powerful as it had once been and its own members turned against each other in an attempt to climb to the top of the regime.Over the bodies of their opponents preferrably.

And so yet another great russian purge came into being,but while the one during and after ww2 had had a solid unquestionably strong leader and strong unified single major faction, this one had more factions than a sane man could count and ALL of them were striving to put their own man at the top of the regime.

And so The nation of Russia, also fell into a collection of bickering hostile regions.
So passed Russia

And now China
China had never made the step from communist nation to democratic one, despite many small steps in that direction.BUT despite the Communist Party of China's most stringent efforts, far to many of their citizens had gotten a taste of capitalism and now lived like the leaders of the communist party as far as extravagant luxuries went.With the other nations around the world falling, many regional economic centers of china soon came to the realization that they could not all survive and continue to live in luxury.The foreign market was just too small and getting smaller all the time.

The "Made in China " recalls as they had come to be known had impacted China almost as much as the growing personal greed of its regions.
And so each region,put more and more effort into looking out for itself.

The Government of the People's Republic of China,which was just another way of saying Communist Party of China , found itself also very short on funds and resources and though it had the raw manpower to make a serious attempt at keeping power over the whole of china,such an attempt would unquestionably come at the very expense of the luxuries they themselves wanted to maintain.

With the central government of China unwilling to put itself at risk to maintain China as a whole,the nation of China also pased into the history books.

Now students, we will end our forray into the seperate falls of the individual nations at this time,BUT your text book covers in detail each and every nations history during that time period and you WILL be responsible to read and learn them.

And so, the world we had known passed into a qaugmire of seperate bickering regions all intent on their own priorities and problems.
This time is also referred to as the Modern Dark Age.

But no age lasts forever, hence why we have so many of them named.And among the bickering regions came an organization intent on reforming the old world, or at least one very like it.The organiztion called itself the World Market and was basically a combination of the failed United Nations,NATO,World Bank, and other collasped organizations that came together to try again.

Something i have yet to go into detail on , that deserves mention is the disolution of the United Nations.This happened rather abruptly and in a way few expected.

For though the U.N. was quite useless at what it as intended to do,people understood that the premise it was founded on and the ideal organization it should have been were goals worth trying to achieve.And so people clung,no matter how precariously they had to, to the hope that with enough time,money and patiance the U.N. could become something of worth.

Thus it survived its own uselessness ,which many of its critics always assumed in the end would be its end.

So many were suprised that day when it was anounced that vast numbers of U.N. workers were falling ill to an unknown contagion.And even more suprised when most of the U.N. personel had died just days later.

It turned out that in 1996 while the U.N. was searching for W.M.D.s in Iraq, they happened across the remians of a burned out bunker that had some supplies of lip balm and talcum powder which had survived the bunkers destruction.Such stashs were common in Iraq as large amounts of kissing was required under Saddam's Regime.

This was one thing among many the U.N. had in common with Iraq at that time.

And so the lip balm and talcum powder were gathered up and transfered to the New York Offices of the U.N.
Where they were promply lost til late in 2009.When found the second time, the U.N. workers quickly dispersed them to the U.N. lavatories at the offices, which were always in need of more talcum powder and balm.

Sadly, it was later discovered that the Talc was not indeed talcum powder.
It was in fact weaponized Anthrax.
And so in the end, the U.N. had solved the mystery of where some of the WMDs Saddam had possed that they had never been able to find, had in fact ended up.

The few surviving personal acted quickly to disolve the U.N. ,before it could be sued or held criminally responsible for the deaths caused by the incedent.

However, as previously stated, they went along with other personel from other failed organizations to found the World Market.

The World Market worked much the same as the U.N. ,but in a completely reverse manner.Where it has been common for nations to bride the U.N., the World Market commonly bribed nations.

Using this outright bribery,coerhesion and war they slowly reformed the nations into some sembalance of thier past over circa 7 years.And with the old forms of the old nations restored, so to were restored the old problems. Which as one might expect, the nations proved no better at solving than they had been before.

The Pope knew this.He saw evidence of it everywhere his hat pointed.And he knew that those same attitudes that had prevailed in those same nations, that had given birth to the petty attacks on his hat would not simply die on their own.
They would have to be slain at any cost.

And those worthy souls, who were trapped in societies who held these attitudes, would have to be called home to god.As it was the only way to truly save them.

The holy project known as The Great Calling that had started on that fateful day, when the pope entered his pope cave,had continued towards completion during the Modern dark ages, and was nearing its time of implementaion.

And the nations who had inspired and one might say required the project to be started and completed were still here(more or less), and still in need of the blessings the project would give the faithful in said nations.
This post approved by Tkobo:Official Rabble Rouser of the United Yahoos
Chuckle TM

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#3 Post by tkobo » Sep 07 2007


And now students we move on to study the time period in which the Great Pope Pope Pius XIII implemented The Great calling.

As previously mentioned, the W.M had been succesful in its unholy plans to recreate the nations in all their foul splender.
This reformed nations chose the same type of untrustable people to lead them, and even in some cases the exact untrustable people.

This of course lead to the same issues and problems within and bewteen said nations.

War both of the gun and the word,spread thru the world of man yet again.

Religion and other bases of morality were attacked even more fiercely,becuase they were seen as "power bases" that stood against the leadership in many nations.

No religious group was more attacked by both words and deeds than that of the Pope.

His attempt to make Italy more tourist friendly by the building of multiple civilain airports for tourists, was interpreted as an act of aggression.A threat to the other nations of the world.

The pope made on simple statement to the world press, his comments
"We are grealy saddened by the attempt to paint our peaceful and loving religion as warmongering.We have instructed our servants to open the Happy Tourist Air Hub to public ahead of time and though not yet completed.
We hope this will allay the false fear spreading about our intentions and put the lies to an end"

Sadly,the world was not put at ease and in fact the evil men in it purposely misinterpreted the purpose of the facilities they were shown, and continued to spread their lies in the world press.


That was the last the word heard from our Great Pope for sometime, as he withdrew even further into his plans for The Great Calling.
To the world at large it was as if he had fallen off the earth.

Many nations of the world took this as a sign of weakness, and beleiving in their evil hearts strongly in our peaceful nature, despite the lies they told otehrwise, they declared war on Italy and the Great Pope.

These "wars" were open declarations without action.There was a legal state of war now between the Great Pope and many nations of the world,but no troops moved, no guns fired.

For though they saw gain in declaring war, they saw none in trying to actually execute it.This was mainly becuase the nations were in so extremely bad organizational and economic shape,they simply could not do so.
This post approved by Tkobo:Official Rabble Rouser of the United Yahoos
Chuckle TM

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